Wedding vs. Marriage Mindset
I lost weight for my wedding. It worked—I looked great in the photos and felt confident walking down the aisle. But within a year, most of the weight was back.
The difference between that experience and my current approach is the difference between a wedding mindset and a marriage mindset.
The Wedding Mindset
When you're losing weight for a wedding, everything is focused on a single day:
- Fixed deadline: The wedding date is non-negotiable
- Specific goal: Look good in the dress/suit and photos
- Temporary sacrifice: Extreme measures are acceptable because they're short-term
- External motivation: The event and other people's expectations drive you
- All-or-nothing approach: Success is binary—you either make it or you don't
This mindset can be incredibly effective for short-term results. The deadline creates urgency, the goal is clear, and the motivation is high. I ate 1,200 calories a day, did cardio six times a week, and dropped 25 pounds in four months.
But what happens after the wedding?
The Post-Wedding Reality
After the wedding, several things changed:
- The deadline disappeared: No more urgent motivation
- The goal was achieved: Mission accomplished, now what?
- The restrictions felt unsustainable: 1,200 calories and daily cardio weren't realistic long-term
- Life returned to normal: Honeymoon, work stress, regular social eating
- The habits weren't built: I had followed a plan, not developed sustainable practices
Within six months, I was back to my old eating patterns. Within a year, most of the weight had returned. The wedding mindset had worked perfectly for its intended purpose, but it hadn't prepared me for the long haul.
The Marriage Mindset
A marriage mindset approaches weight loss completely differently:
- No fixed endpoint: This is about building a sustainable lifestyle
- Process-focused: Success is measured by consistency, not just outcomes
- Sustainable practices: Every change must be something you can maintain long-term
- Internal motivation: Driven by health, energy, and personal values
- Flexible approach: Adjustments and setbacks are part of the process
Just like a marriage, this approach is about building something that lasts through different seasons of life.
What This Looks Like in Practice
Wedding Mindset Approach:
- Eat 1,200 calories no matter what
- Exercise every single day
- Avoid all social eating situations
- Weigh yourself daily and panic over fluctuations
- Push through hunger, fatigue, and social pressure
Marriage Mindset Approach:
- Find a calorie level you can maintain while still losing weight gradually
- Build exercise habits that fit your schedule and preferences
- Learn to navigate social situations without abandoning your goals
- Track trends over time rather than obsessing over daily fluctuations
- Adjust your approach based on what's working and what isn't
The Speed vs. Sustainability Trade-off
The wedding mindset is faster. There's no denying that. Extreme measures produce dramatic results in short timeframes.
The marriage mindset is slower but more reliable. You might lose 0.5-1 pound per week instead of 2-3 pounds, but you're building habits that will serve you for decades.
The question is: would you rather lose 25 pounds in 4 months and regain it, or lose 25 pounds in 8 months and keep it off?
When Wedding Mindset Makes Sense
I'm not completely against the wedding mindset. It can be appropriate when:
- You have a genuine deadline that matters to you
- You're willing to accept that the results might be temporary
- You plan to transition to a marriage mindset afterward
- The event provides motivation you wouldn't otherwise have
The key is being honest about what you're doing and why.
Making the Transition
If you've been stuck in wedding mindset cycles—losing weight for events and then regaining it—here's how to shift to a marriage mindset:
1. Remove the Deadline
Stop setting arbitrary dates for reaching your goal weight. Focus on building sustainable habits instead.
2. Lower the Intensity
If you can't imagine doing your current approach for the next year, it's too extreme. Dial it back to something sustainable.
3. Focus on Process Goals
Instead of "lose 20 pounds by summer," try "eat vegetables with lunch four days a week" or "walk for 20 minutes three times a week."
4. Build Flexibility
Create rules that can bend without breaking. Plan for social events, travel, and life's inevitable disruptions.
5. Measure Different Things
Track consistency, energy levels, how your clothes fit, and other indicators beyond just the scale.
The Long Game
The marriage mindset requires patience and faith in the process. You won't see dramatic changes week to week, but you'll build something that lasts.
It's the difference between a sprint and a marathon. The sprint gets you there faster, but the marathon builds the endurance to go the distance.
The Bottom Line
The wedding mindset works for weddings—short-term goals with fixed deadlines. But if you want lasting change, you need a marriage mindset.
This means slower progress, more patience, and a focus on building sustainable habits rather than achieving dramatic transformations.
The question isn't whether you can lose weight quickly—most people can. The question is whether you can build a lifestyle that maintains that weight loss for years to come.
That's the difference between planning for a day and planning for a lifetime.
Ready to adopt a marriage mindset? Learn about building sustainable habits in our article on Micro Actions, explore our 12-Month Programme for long-term success, or read about my personal journey from crash dieting to sustainable change.